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Anonymous said: Snape, I'm in Slytherin and there's a boy in Gryffindor that likes me. We've had sex and that's cool but the thing is, he wants to be more than friends while as I just see him as a convenient little fuck buddy, nothing more. How the hell do I tell him this?

Gryffindors want a passionate, highly romantic relationship. However, some can deal without signing onto a long-term contract, whereas others couldn’t possibly imagine being part of a romantic fling. The best way is to candy-coat it a bit while at the same time being honest. Gryffindors are notorious for being fiesty, so they might blow up in your face. Actually, he will most definitely blow up in your face. Good luck and stay sassy!

Anonymous said: My best fabulous professor, I'm one of your Ravenclaw students. I wonder how I should wear my housecolors with pride in a fashionable way? I am, for once, completely clueless!

If you wanted to display Ravenclaw House colors at an event, I would recommend wearing a blue dress and having bronze accessories, such as a scarf, necklace, or purse. You would look fabulous!

Anonymous said: Hello Professor! I am one of your Gryffindor students, and from what I've heard, you're pretty close to Draco Malfoy. Any tips on how to make him fall head over heels for me? I really like him! Please help me out! Fashion tips would help a lot!

I’m not entirely certain about Draco, but I know another Malfoy who loves dark chocolate, good champagne, and fuzzy handcuffs. Good luck, and stay sassy!

luciouslucius said: Why have you been avoiding me, Severus?

Why, Lucius, I have been hardly avoiding you. In fact, I believe quite the opposite is true….

beastlybeauty28 said: What is your stance on Ear Cuffs? I'm afraid of needles, so I've never gotten my ears pierced or a tattoo. I was shopping a few months ago, and came across these beautiful ear cuffs. They basically cuff right onto the outter most ledge of the ear. I have two plain ones, one that looks like a little man hanging from my ear, and a snake that is slithering down my ear. Do you think these are over-the-top punk, or are they an acceptable replacement for real earrings?

They can be a super fabulous addition to your wardrobe! I don’t believe they’d be over-the-top, but rather an expression of your personality. However, it’s your own decision - good luck making it, and stay sassy!

Anonymous said: Hello Mr. Sassy Snape. I have this secret that I'm afraid to reveal. I'm a Gryffindor and a lot of my friends think I am a man-whore with the ladies, but the real thing is that I am gay. I love guys and it frustrates me that I have to hide in my fabulous closet. I need your help, Sassy Snape. What should I do?

This is a really difficult question. Unfortunately, you can’t hide in your fabulous closet (and be comfortable inside it) forever. At some point, you’re going to have to tell your friends your true preference. Chances are, they’ll accept you for who you are and be glad you told them. If they don’t accept it, don’t waste your time on those crazy bitches. Find friends who will love the fabulous and true you, not matter what, because good friends are out there!

hauntedcastle said: Hello Professor dear. I was wondering, how to do you deal with the bad type of bitches and be fabulous while doing it?

The best way to deal with them is to avoid them. However, if they come running after you, or the confrontation is inevitable, don’t sink to their level. No name-calling or cursing on your side. Stay level-headed and don’t say anything that, if overhead, would land you a detention with Filch. Because, believe me, that is not fabulous.